9. Human desire, God's desire

In his book The Plague Albert Camus asks the question: "Can one be a saint without God?" And a whole generation put its faith in generous activity, ready to forget about its foundations and finality. It could even be said that some went into politics as others did into religion, so difficult is it to be a coherent atheist. In most cases, it was a crossing over event in the circumstances, commitment was turned into an absolute. The "cause" was canonised, the "praxis" divinised, while the criterion of truth was completely depersonalised. In extreme cases, there was the romantic folly of the Red Brigade (Italy) or Direct Action (France) or Shining Path (Peru). For Revolution and utopia are forms of the absolute which, as is the case for every religion, sometimes demands human sacrifice.

The real question seems to me to be this: can we be happy without God? Can we experience complete joy, happiness, utter fulfilment without God? Malraux had an intuitive reply when he wrote: "The twenty first century will be religious, or it will not be". He was unaware then of the pendulum phenomenum leading to today's right-wing movements which are just as dangerous, because "God" is first and foremost a word, which in turn becomes a refuge for all kinds of paranoias, while His truth is still unknown. Was it not Jewish conservatism and the political religion of the Romans which, in the very name of God and with the complicity of the crowds, crucified Jesus and put the first Christians to death?

"If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who asks you for a drink!" Humanity is unaware of this, and that is why it has to be excused. "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do". There is among men an unexplained desire either for radical change or for ultimate security, an insatiable and mysterious thirst for the absolute, leading it tyrannically from one illusion to another, from deception to deception, and at times to a murderous impasse. On the personal level, there are in all of us countless attractions to money, sex, power, alcohol, tobacco, to name but these... all very attractive and fascinating, but leading us alas, into deadly snares. We go from distraction to distraction, and barely satisfied, we seek something new, always ending up disappointed and frustrated. "if you but knew the gift of God!"

If you knew what you are seeking; if you knew what you are waiting for since the day you were born; if you knew what you need and the hollow emptiness and longing in the depths of your being; if you knew the mystery that you are, that enigma that causes you to exist; if you could analyse the reason why you were created, and hear those deep waters below the surface of your being that flow and murmur like the underneath stream in Jacob's well; if only you could listen attentively to it and recognise it in all its magnitude, then most certainly you would walk straight without ever again losing your way in endless labyrinths. You would then be free in the midst of your brothers and sisters, capable of marvelling at the wonder of your being, quite simply, in giftedness and in peace!

But how can we know what we want, as long as we have not found it? Is it not always the discovery of something that suddenly and in blinding fashion, reveals what we had been searching for in some confused way? Isn't it always after the discovery that we become sensitive to what was already there, but in the subconscious veiled part of our being: as the poet put it:

"What would I be without thee who came to meet me; would I not be but a heart in a sleeping wood, a time-piece which stopped ticking at that very hour? What would I be without thee, but this babbling word?"

"If you but knew the gift of God and who it is who asks you for a drink!"

This I can in no way discover on my own. How could I even imagine it? How could I represent to myself the living God, without fabricating an idol and deceiving myself? When - independently of the Word - I imagine God, then that image is a false one. I see Him as different from me, and imagine Him as I would like to be myself. I dream of being all powerful so as not to be dependent; incapable of suffering, so that I may no longer have to suffer. I would like to be capable of living completely on my own in an auto-sufficiency, so as to be without problems or tales or worries; with no thirst requiring satisfaction and no emotion that would alter my existence.

Now the entire life of Jesus Christ teaches me that God is poor, that He thirsts, that He suffers and that He loves us passionately. The entire life of Jesus demonstrates a deliberate waiting with a freely assumed impatience. There is an underlying emptiness and even a wound in God's heart, a deep deep mystery, of which human longing is but a pale reflection.

And it is the urge to slake this thirst and the desire to meet the living God who is waiting for me, which reveal to me the truth, the nature and the object of my longing. So there is no question of suppressing this desire, but according it its proper place by recognising it as my very motivation and my deepest strength. Man and woman were created in the image and likeness of God in their very desiring, which is for the Other, that is, God Himself. And my thirst can only be alleviated by coming into contact with another thirsting which will quench it. My desire can only achieve its goal by welcoming this far more powerful desiring which precedes it and overwhelms it on every side. Joy wells up in the meeting of the "I and the thou"!

Thus, I am saved from death - or rather from my finite state and my fear of death-by the death of Jesus, which leads me into a mystery of communication and of communion, an entirely new relationship which transforms and exhilarates me: the very life of God, Father, Son and Breath common to both.

You who are reading me at this moment, welcome the One who is sent. Seated by your well, He asks you for a drink. He is ever present in the midst of your research or your daily chores. He knows you better than you know yourself. He knows all about your life. He has known thirst as you have, but first and foremost, He thirsts for you. You can reject Him, His heart is already pierced, but you will find Him again, for He never tires of seeking you. If, like the Samaritan woman, you know how to listen, if you are not afraid to question Him, you will drink in His words in one go. Widen your horizons to those He will show you. Allow yourself to float along the great river of His love. Plunge yourself into that Passion which is His. Open your heart to the dimensions of the world and of history, for your desires and your thirst will never be great enough to espouse the magnitude of His plans. Forget about your past history and the false paths you have trodden, what you did or didn't do. You don't have to keep an account of merits. It will be enough just to accept, and all you have to do is to ask!