37. Peter and Paul

Paul arrived too late. Besides, he was only playing as a sub. If we consider that the public life of Jesus constituted a sort of noviciate for the apostles, for Paul, the mould had already been broken. He is the only one to be named apostle who had not known the historical Jesus. As to his Curriculum Vitae it gave very little reason to recommend him! A fanatic, one of those traditional types with identical reflexes; to be avoided at all cost; dangerous! Not only preoccupied with incense, lace albs and Latin, but a veritable extremist who had already carried his beliefs into acts. Let's not beat about the bush! An assassin!

"Paul approved of the murder"

It is always the same paradox, the same Paschal experience: the future of the Church passes at times, by its worst enemies. We know what happened to Paul, and how "the one born before his time" as he liked to term himself, the "parvulus", the little one, is the apostle who did most. He was the most determined once he understood (as he himself was understood). He stood his ground against the Judeo-Christians in the opening up to pagans.

"It is among smugglers of goods, that one finds the best customs officials", but it is perhaps among the customs officials that one finds the best smugglers! For the walls separating peoples have fallen down. The best ferrymen are those who command the frontiers: with those who are hemmed in, once they have understood, that one creates free and open men, open as are the arms of Jesus on the Cross.

If an exemplary Pharisee like Paul felt the need to be converted, it shows that no one can escape from a path leading to conversion. I can believe in God. Paul believed in Him. I can be active. So was Paul active: zealous, convinced, and committed, he went too far! But he changed gods, or rather the representation of God. He went from an exclusive alliance, to an open covenant. He changed his theology. What theology? The Risen One identifies with the suffering people. Paul becomes a witness. Thus he passes from the God of the Law to the God of grace, from the exacting God to the God who gives, beyond every kind of infidelity. On horseback for his principles, he is struck down by the sudden realisation of God's humility. He joins Him in the dust, overthrown by this disarming and unarmed God whom he was persecuting.

As for Saint Peter, let's say a word about him. His testimonial is not exactly first class either! He was not always celibate, a detail which ought to be more instructive than amusing. Neither was he too mischievous. Still, he managed to deny Christ. Three times he lost his head and allied himself with the group which excluded Jesus, and once again when under pressure from the Judeo-Christian group, he showed how conformist he could be, fearful of what one might think of him, afraid of the remarks of a servant girl as well as of rumours in the community. Yet it was he whom Jesus chose. We might question His discernment over this first choice, but we know that Jesus persists in His choice, maintains His decision and confirms Peter in his responsibilities. He does this in spite of his denials, perhaps because of them. The witness has not to witness to himself, but to the pardon he has received and which is offered to everyone.

Both of them have become pillars of the Church, reassuring finally, a renegade and a persecutor! Everything is really possible: they were able to witness by experience, to the fidelity and mercy and never -ending tenderness of the living God. Normally, when we celebrate the important saints, we highlight their qualities and great deeds. I have chosen to speak about their faults; it is shorter and makes us feel closer to them. It is through their faults and failings, that Peter and Paul best show us how we too can become apostles in our own way, by giving ourselves to Christ so as to proclaim His saving love. We are neither angels nor are we perfect. Or to express it in pedantic fashion: Let us be on our guard against clerical monophycitism!

Certainly both Peter and Paul have each their strong points. But they are to be directed in the opposite way of their speciality. Armed with a sword, Peter, the resistant, wished to liberate the lands of the occupying stranger. He ended by baptising a Roman centurion! Paul was the best specialist one could find about Jewish questions. He was ready to sacrifice everything and even to incur damnation, to save his religious brothers, but it was to the pagans that he was sent!

Peter and Paul are two giants, but in their weakness is our strength. It is because they failed, realised their mistake and made amends, that it has become possible for us also to take heart. "Once you have recovered, you in your turn, must strengthen your brothers." (Luke 22.32.) Peter and Paul, weak and human, are - thanks to their particular failings - universal and close to each one of us. God can forgive you also. He can put you back on the straight path, just as He did with Peter, giving him the strength to be a witness...even upside down! Just as He also did with Paul, snatching him off his horse of pride and sectarian smugness. The evidence of what had happened made him blind; the more he claimed to defend God, the more he caused Him to suffer.