45. Checkmate and resurrection

We all experience failure and that is what renders us human. It also divinises us, making us receptive to grace. But it is a painful experience, and more painful still when it is the others who are suffering, those whom we love, those who had been confided to us, those who are more vulnerable than we are. It is then we learn the meaning of compassion, a feeling not much thought about today, but very evident in the behaviour of Christ's friends at the foot of the Cross. It is not easy to see someone we love suffer and to feel utterly powerless to do anything about it.

Nurses and doctors in hospitals are learning little by little, the relatively new art of palliative care. This presupposes an acceptance of one's powerlessness in such cases to cure the invalid, or to prevent an eventual death, and being content instead to accompany the sick person. Some technical devices exist for comforting (an exaggerated word!) the patient and achieving communication. But in the end, there is acceptance of one's poverty and limitations in this area, and a bowing to the inevitable.

In the case of personal failure, there are several phases. There is the anguish before the actual event, the fight when every fibre of one's being is being mobilised, the calm which eventually ensues with its retinue of sufferings, regrets, and wounds that can never be healed. Yet, a new balm can enter through those raw wounds, like the oil of the Good Samaritan. This does nothing to redeem a redeemless situation, for such tenderness belongs to a different order. Everything is changed however, through the fact of sharing the suffering and through seeing one's gaze reflected in the eyes of another.

This transformation is in no way alas, automatic alas, but it does happen as though by a miracle! It is always unexpected, but miracles do not function as exceptions. Or to put it more precisely, it is exceptions which confirm the rule. They are signs of a reality which concerns everybody, a reality normally hidden and which is a stepping stone to faith.

Failures put brakes on the thrust towards life. Failure in love shatters those deep springs, essential as are the wings of a bird, in order to fly. But since God experienced failure and placed the symbol of shame on his shoulders, since he took upon himself all the refusals and all the betrayals: happy are those who weep, they will be comforted! The underworld is inhabited, filled with a Presence, for Jesus has descended there. And he came up again, taking Adam and Eve by the hand. With a few strokes of the brush, the icon describes the new solidarity that has been established between all those who were imprisoned there, and who by hints and surmises, understood one another.

The heart of stone has become a heart of flesh. It has received such a battering, that it has become liquid and tender in the extreme. "My heart is like wax, melting inside me" sings the psalmist.

A new communion can be established. If we have not given everything, at least we have lost everything! A mysterious exchange has become possible. Humanity flourishes like a tree in blossom. Many of the blossoms are dead, frozen over or blown away by the wind, or again destroyed by predators. But the fruits are there. Flower and fruits are the pride and joy of the whole tree. There is but one humanity as there is but one life, one sap, one Spirit.

Those wounded by failure communicate their tenderness to those for whom it is lacking. And the "so-called" winners, by their results, give meaning which "justifies", or at least shows up the absurdity of passing failures against a much larger background: life has passed by. Children have been born, and in the end, truth has made itself heard, and justice timidly, has triumphed.

"There is no happy love" according to the poet. Love crucifies. It is on the rack as long as history lasts, "in agony until the end of the world", for its dimensions are global and extend over all time, without any exclusivity or preference. But I'm wrong there! There are preferences, but they are turned towards those who suffer most! Because it is poor, love is completely open. Because it is so often frustrated, it is unbelievably creative and subtle, youthful and ready to be moved by the smallest thing. We are never alone in failure. Others have known sufferings greater than ours. Another has scraped the foundations. He is the foundation. He upholds everything. For the moment we don't know what the outcome will be, but another knows it on our behalf. He sees our suffering, and looks at us with compassion.